Sick Joke
My life is a sick joke that I don’t find the least bit funny. Imagine if you will being born into a world where all your thoughts and aspirations are against the flow of nature. Imagine being a gay man attracted to nothing other than straight men in this today our world. Sounds like a comedy. But it’s not. My humor is much farther along now. It’s gone beyond the point of bitterness and anger and has come to the need for some kind of an explanation from something or somebody. I know that that is not forthcoming. I know now that this will be the situation for the rest of my life. And as each day goes by, the chances become less of my ever realizing contentment or satisfaction. The only thing I really know how to do is be myself. That apparently isn’t enough for this existence. What I get in return for being myself is tortured; intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually; every day. I get up each morning and try to put my best foot forward. Most of the time I end up falling asleep, alone, with my teeth kicked in. But that doesn’t stop me from doing this over and over again, with a smile and my best disposition. If this is a challenge I’m supposed to win, then in the end, I think I’m going to lose. How strong does a person have to be? When is it enough? What possible reason did nature have to create this situation?
My life is a sick joke that I don’t find the least bit funny. Imagine if you will being born into a world where all your thoughts and aspirations are against the flow of nature. Imagine being a gay man attracted to nothing other than straight men in this today our world. Sounds like a comedy. But it’s not. My humor is much farther along now. It’s gone beyond the point of bitterness and anger and has come to the need for some kind of an explanation from something or somebody. I know that that is not forthcoming. I know now that this will be the situation for the rest of my life. And as each day goes by, the chances become less of my ever realizing contentment or satisfaction. The only thing I really know how to do is be myself. That apparently isn’t enough for this existence. What I get in return for being myself is tortured; intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually; every day. I get up each morning and try to put my best foot forward. Most of the time I end up falling asleep, alone, with my teeth kicked in. But that doesn’t stop me from doing this over and over again, with a smile and my best disposition. If this is a challenge I’m supposed to win, then in the end, I think I’m going to lose. How strong does a person have to be? When is it enough? What possible reason did nature have to create this situation?
